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Friday, March 25
Let’s face it: English is a terrible language.There is no egg in the eggplant,no ham in the hamburgerand neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.English muffins were not invented in England,French fries were not invented in France.We sometimes take English for granted.But if we examine its paradoxes we find thatQuicksand takes you down slowly,boxing rings are squareand a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.If writers write,how come fingers don't fing?If the plural of tooth is teeth,shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phonebeeth?If the teacher taught,why didn't the preacher praught?If a vegetarian eats vegetables,what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?Why do people recite at a play,yet play at a recital?Park on driveways and drive on parkways?You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a languagewhere a house can burn up as it burns downand in which you fill in a form by filling it out.And a bell is only heard once it goes!English was invented by people, not computers,and it reflects the creativity of the human race(which of course isn't a race at all).That is why when the stars are out,they are visible,but when the lights are out,they are invisible.Do infants enjoy infancyas much as adults enjoy adultery?Why is the man who invests all your moneycalled a broker?Why is a person who plays the pianocalled a pianist,but a person who drives a race carnot called a racist?Why are wise menand wise guys opposites?Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?If horrific means to make horrible,does terrific mean to make terrible?Why isn't 11 pronounced as onety one?If lawyers are disbarredand clergymen defrocked,doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,musicians denoted,cowboys deranged,models deposed,tree surgeons debarkedand dry cleaners depressed?Why is it thatif someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universeyou will believe them,but if they tell you a wall has wet paintyou will have to touch it to be sure?If you take an Oriental personand spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?If people from Poland are called "Poles",why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?And why it is that when I wind up my watch it startsbut when I wind up this story ends?
posted by inkey at 21:21
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